5. On Lying: A Self-centred Point of View
The avalanche of blinding lasers flooding the windshield reminds Linda never to leave his sunglasses home again on account of weather reports. The sound of his own car joins the choir of low rumblings from the line of cars behind and in front of him. Like a sensitive piano with limited keys, his feet carefully tap the pedals alternating between the three with a skill earned from years of consistent driving. He almost wishes he could fly the vehicle to somewhere at least halfway towards the top of the steep hill road. The music he had been violently enjoying a while ago continues as a whisper. Sweat betrays the concentration plastered on his face as it trails lines of tension across his forehead. Balancing the clutch and accelerator pedals requires constant focus. Sighing, he half-wishes he had taken his twin brother’s automatic car. But then again, he has never once driven an automatic. As the car in front of him starts moving, a modicum of relief washes over him as Linda shifts from gear 1 to gear 2, climbing up the hill.
In our attempts to build a self-reliable individual, we run into a number of problems. One of the most corrosive, yet underrated is that of lying. As we set out to make the case for the disadvantages of lying, we have to be prepared for the inevitable brush with hypocrisy. Lying is a pervasive feature of the human world, used by virtually everyone for different reasons in different contexts. To avoid embodying hypocrisy and confusion, we will focus only on those lies that do not involve pleasantries and greetings, as these are meant to lubricate social intercourse. Anyone who is properly socialised is aware that “How are you?” is more often a statement than a genuine question inquiring about one’s well-being. Consequently, the reply “I am fine” is also a statement that rarely reflects the actual condition of the person being asked. Since one could argue that replying “I am fine” when you are not is a form of lying, statements of this sort will be outside the scope of this discussion.
The natural question that follows then is what exactly is lying? Simply, it is saying something that one knows to be false. In other words, knowingly uttering falsehoods. One can use this definition without the burden of defining the meaning of truth. That is its own task. Is there a purely practical point of view from which the disadvantages of lying can be demonstrated? The answer to this question depends on our primary focus. If we pay attention to the negative effects that lying has on the individual’s ability to be self-reliant, then lying does indeed present some significant, practical disadvantages that should be cautioned against.
By self-reliant we mean the ability of an individual to depend on their own powers of guidance, promise fulfilment, and resolve. Our focus is therefore directed inward, on the improvement or deterioration of an individual’s own character. This does not include tangibles such as finances, physical assets, or social status. Our attention rests on the individual’s actions, values, and self-imposed responsibilities. Can someone who lies rely on themselves to fulfil their own goals or obligations, act in a way that garners self-respect and admiration, make tough decisions confidently in the moment, and maintain such resolve during challenging times? These questions are worth exploring.
In the opening we are introduced to Linda, who has only ever driven a manual car, while his twin brother has only ever driven an automatic. Navigating a manual car slowly up a long, steep hill filled with traffic is a challenging task. Let us imagine a scenario where their father’s life depended on one of the boys driving up the hill. It would be safe to assume that his journey to the afterlife would depend on which car each sibling was using. Giving Linda’s twin a manual would almost guarantee business for the local casket industry. Conversely, if Linda’s only option was the automatic, their father would almost certainly make it for breakfast the following day.
Lying is like driving an automatic car. Much like driving an automatic vehicle, one escapes the burden of making tough decisions in the moment, and outsources this chief executive role to the vehicle. A driver trained on an automatic vehicle has less training and experience switching gears and meeting the dictates of a rough terrain compared to a driver trained on a manual. Similarly, the person who lies is weakened by inexperience. The inexperience of facing the anxiety that comes with admitting an undesirable truth, and the inexperience of immediately confronting the consequences, such as the displeasure of the recipient or judgement towards the speaker.
Truth, like a compass, and like a car, helps you get to point B from point A. However, each time we tell a lie, we transfer the responsibility of decision-making to chance, to the universe, to the car. Over time, our ability to know exactly where we are going becomes unclear. Whether we are still headed for point B is uncertain, as we have become part passenger and part driver to our own vehicle. If we decide to take a straight path to point B, how can we ensure we will stick to the initial plan when we are not fully in charge of the decision-making process? What if we find a shortcut and what if it branches off into directions more desirable than B? Would B even matter at that point? These questions, even when they are informative, are a symptom of a bruised self-confidence. The driver who relies on himself at all times need not worry too much about the smoothness of the road, sharp turns, trees on the ground, heavy gravel, as their method of navigation is preset and identical in all roads and all journeys, truth is their only haven. Much like the shortest distance between A and B is a straight line, the quickest way to know where you are going, and consequently what you want and who you are, is through telling the truth.
Lying makes one less reliable to their own leadership, thereby making one a better slave to oneself than a master. Regardless, it is obvious why many people lie. It helps people avoid confronting undesirable outcomes in the short run. For instance, to avoid going to work when feeling lazy, claiming to be at the doctor’s office or saying that a family member is ill or worse, has passed away, would quickly and efficiently achieve the desired outcome with little or no judgement. In such a case, lying would provide a social shield against being perceived as a lazy or undriven employee, a perception that would likely damage one’s reputation and future earnings. However, by lying one avoids immediate undesirable tasks, events, consequences, and obligations. Therefore, one could argue that there is some wisdom in lying. There is some wisdom in exonerating oneself from undesirable or unwelcome obligations, at times, in a way that is “harmless” to you and usually consoling to the one being lied to. Although you may end up being seen as unreliable, that usually requires some time and repetition. In this way, if used sparingly and strategically, it can be argued that lying can be a useful and valuable tool. The only problem with this view is that it undermines just how habit-forming lying is.
What happens when the individual has succeeded in lying? Sometimes victory is more destructive than defeat because it lowers one’s guard, and encourages one to rely on a strategy that has worked before. A winning formula pacifies vigilance, and increases confidence in using it whenever needed. In the same way, one who has lied and “gotten away” with it finds it easier to lie again. And again until it builds into a habit, and becomes second-nature. But for each time they lie, as in the example where they stay at home to avoid work, there is a subtle and sometimes unconscious shame that comes with the lying. Now the individual has to stay home, or move in stealth, to avoid being spotted by their work colleagues. They have to be on guard, and sharpen their memory of the event, so that they are not caught slipping in conversation. Though the individual can think themselves clever and smart for “getting away” with it, it is this behaviour of hiding, of keeping track with the lies that demonstrates their shame, and therefore lack of respect, for committing the act. The one who hides is the one fearful of shame, and therefore the one who has lost respect for themselves for hiding.
And so, given that an individual takes themselves wherever they go, are forever company to themselves, and are forever under the lens of their own scrutiny, their interaction with themselves can become burdensome if they lose self-respect. To make this interaction less burdensome, the individual must be able to rely on themselves. They need to have the ability to trust their own judgement, and have the confidence and resolve to follow through their own wishes and promises. This ability is compromised every time they commit a lie. For every time the individual lies to get out of something, they bear witness to the act. After a number of times, they have observed not an act but a recognizable pattern. A pattern that is self-reinforcing. Future scenarios need not be identical to past scenarios where the individual lied; they just need to be perceived as threatening in the present moment. The fear of consequences in the present moment builds into a habit.
Such observations come with judgement. The individual judges themselves as unreliable. For every time they commit a lie, they unconsciously act out a confession that they do not have the strength or confidence to withstand the reality of their situation as it is, and therefore find solace and relief in delegating such decision-making power to something else. This kind of judgement is difficult to waver away, as it is a conclusion completely derived from the individual’s own thinking processes and therefore is reached after satisfying the individual’s own criteria for judgement. This is why it is often easier to place blame on other people; it requires no corrective effort from the one making the judgement and no introspective and burdensome time spent with oneself. Instead, such a responsibility and burden is given to someone else.
After knowing that one is unreliable, they lose the ability to predict their own future. They cannot rely on their own word, because they have witnessed themselves crumbling every time when push came to shove. And when the time in their life comes where they have nothing but their own word to rely on, their impulse for avoidance will have built itself into a personality, and they will betray themselves, forever changing the course of their life to the less desirable outcome. With a loss of self-confidence in their ability to confront tough situations comes the uncertainty and earned scepticism about anything that requires a lot of responsibility. Such an individual who has lied habitually suspects they cannot be trusted with important matters especially those that involve the fate and welfare of a lot of people.
Lying, therefore, lowers one's ability to rely on oneself in the future and harms one's predictive abilities. It diminishes self-respect, and self-confidence in handling difficult matters. Lastly, it insulates one from the lessons that come with facing proximal adversities, and makes one their own sceptic. At the basic level, lying is cowardice, and little respect is, and maybe should, be given to cowards.
Until next time, blogger’s musings. Adding value, one essay at a time.
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